We come into our embodiment to experience states of separation. We wanted to see what it would be like to be disconnected from the very Source of our being which is pure love. To forget who and what we are.
When we are here in bodies and in separation fields, it feels so real. This feeling that we are incomplete is visceral. We search everywhere outside of ourselves to find a way to feel fulfilled, to feel whole, or at least to feel distracted from feeling anxious and unsure about why we feel anxious and unsure.
Most of us spend our lives trying to create predictable and repetitive systems and routines to fill our time and give our lives meaning. We take on certain roles and responsibilities; wife, brother, mother, teacher, banker, artist, volunteer etc, so we can be validated by the identity that maintaining these roles and responsibilities entails. We build our sense of identity on this validation externally. This is who we believe we are, or at least we tell ourselves this is who we are, and the world reflects it back to us.
The interesting thing is that if you ask the average person to introduce themselves in public, they will generally fill in those blanks in varying order according to their deepest role identifications. My name is Bob, I am from Ohio, I am a dad, and an accountant and I love baseball, I am part of this religion and I vote for this political party. Location, family affiliations, occupation, hobbies, beliefs. Is that really who we are?
But underneath we will feel nudges of incompleteness, of dissatisfaction, perhaps feeling a bit trapped by all the conditions and roles we ourselves have created as ‘our lives’ around us.
Sometimes we feel stifled and restricted by these roles. We may at fleeting moments long to be free, to take off somewhere and do as we please for once.
Now, let’s pretend to make our point that we do decide to follow this whim of freedom, and we leave everything and everyone behind. We set out to travel the world and endeavor to have an adventure.
At first it feels exhilarating. “Wow, I don’t have to account to anyone but me! I can follow my own whims and desires. I can do and feel whatever I want to do and feel. I don’t have responsibility to anyone but me. I am on an adventure!” we tell ourselves.
However, we may notice that once we arrive at our first destination of freedom, we just want to stay in bed for a few weeks. We are a bit exhausted from holding all these roles and responsibilities. We may find that when there is no reason to get up, when no one is depending on us to do this or show up here, that we may not do anything for a while.
“Good, a chance to finally rest,” we think.
After some time of choosing our own doing or nondoing, we may begin to see and wonder, “Was all of my business in life really just because others held the expectations that this was the continuity of who I am?”
What happens when you are accountable only to you? What happens when you are your own and only company. How does your identity support you then?
The journey now becomes the mission to find out, who are you when you are alone? Who are you when you are not busy? How do your identity labels support you then?
I am now a mom with no children to care for. I am now an accountant with no clients. I am Bob. Hmmm. Who is Bob? If he is not all these labels, roles and responsibilities, who is he?
Well it’s possible that this freedom can quickly turn on us as we may then begin to find ourselves in deep loneliness and isolation as we release all of our relationships and obligations and are faced only with ourselves.
Really, everyone should try this at least once.
Spend at least one month completely alone. You won’t believe how hard it can be.
Now what once felt like an exhilarating idea (freedom), becomes a very different kind of prison. Without others, we find we cannot validate our identity. We do not have any others around to recognize, reinforce and validate who we are, and there is no one to fulfill our needs but little old us.
Maybe others in our life provided a mirror of love, affection, financial support, attention, validation, sex, belongingness, fun, distraction, company, etc. But now, no one is there. So how do we fulfill our own needs? How do we remember and act like who we are without our roles and responsibilities? We have always looked to others to do this for us.
We might begin to feel deeply alone as we are left in our own company.
But how can this be? How can we not find solace and joy in our own company?
Maybe because we were only connected to the identity we thought was us and not the true Source of being that really is us.
And then something really unpleasant usually begins to happen. ‘Us’ or ‘me’ becomes the voice of our inner critic who can now come to the forefront as never before because there is no one else around to distract us from its voice.
Now we are left alone with the harshest judge of all, our fear based egoic-self that holds onto the personality you have built to validate its existence. You may begin to notice that it is constantly telling you that you are not ok.
Your inner critic may give you messages that say, “You are less than, you are unworthy, you are lazy, you are not gifted enough, you are not trustworthy, you are not pretty enough, you are not deserving of abundance or pleasure or joy, and you are certainly not lovable. Forget about that.”
You see, when no one is around to feed you love and attention, to distract you by just keeping you busy, or to make you feel a sense of belonging by being with others, then what happens? How do you confirm you are indeed lovable? Remember you only have this critic now as company.
This could be a problem.
This critic will play incessantly whatever storyline the ego program of fragmented beliefs has contrived to hold this state of separation from Source. We all have this pre-programmed field. It is our subconscious mind.
It is the result of our conditioning in this lifetime and from the experiences we have had in other time space dimensional realities in which we were not able to overcome and resolve issues of separation and we so we brought them forward vibrationally as karma and patterns of separation.
No one can escape this journey on earth. It is why we are here. We came to overcome illusions of separation and return to our pure loving perfection as Being itself.
This is Earth School.
So the voice persists. It tells us things like, “There’s not enough love, not enough money, not enough time,” not enough, never enough of whatever it is we think we want.
Or, it could say things like, “You are not safe! You should be afraid someone will rob or attack you, lock the door!” Or things like, “You are not ready! You need to prepare for the future or you will be sorry.” Or maybe, “You should not trust that person! They will lie and take advantage of you.” Or maybe the voice tells you, “You should be more productive! You are not valuable or worthy if you are not hardworking!” Maybe it says, “You had better give a lot of your time and energy to others or you will not be needed, and if you’re not needed, you won’t have anyone to love you. Everyone will reject you.” It could say in your ear very quietly, “You are worthless if you are not busy and important.” Or maybe it will say, “You will be ignored and alone if you are not nice, accommodating and helpful to others. You have to pay attention to them all the time. Forget about yourself.”
There are so many recordings it could be playing for us.
It may turn out to be kind of hard to be all by ourselves.
Maybe this is why we didn’t try to spend a lot of time with ourselves before. Maybe it’s why we don’t actually like ourselves very much. The voice is not very nice, but the voice is not who we are. We only believe it to be so. We believe what it tells us.
You may begin to think to yourself, “If this voice is who I believe I am, I clearly don’t like myself very much. I had better hide this unlikable part of me more deeply and go back to pretending to be the polite identity I had before. That was much better.”
Now supposing you persist with courage to take your voyage of freedom, and you do not go back to the polite false identity that feels familiar and safe. You will then have to listen to the new recording of, “How could you possibly be so selfish to want freedom and leave everyone who needs you and loves you behind. You are a terribly self-centered and irresponsible person.”
You can’t seem to win no matter what you do. This voice is kind of nasty, you are finding out.
The voice always seems to have a really loud and not pleasant opinion of you! It has many flavors of disappointment and scorn, and many stories about how this happened to you and they did this to you. But all the stories are stories of the phantom of separation consciousness.
None of them are true, but they really FEEL true! Our bodies believe the thoughts our minds generate. Thought and emotion are like dance partners. They always rise together.
We are programmed with fear and anxiousness and feeling inferior and ashamed. Terrified that someone will really look inside of us and see that we actually feel the same as this voice has programmed us to feel. That we feel empty, worthless, ashamed, guilty, unlovable and insecure. When others are not around us to hold up our prescribed roles and identities, we can break down very quickly into the illusions of separation that our ego has been playing out for us on this relentless recording in our heads.
So what is the way out of the nightmare of this illusion?
There is only one.
It is the constant focus on our Divine wholeness as our true alignment and essence. Separation frequency will constantly challenge and muddy the clear and unchanging reality that is our Divine Being. The mind will feed us a false reality of the world and who we are. It will seek to build a validated personality, but that personality is very fleeting, so when something happens to take away our validation, we are stunned and set spinning into confusion and suffering and loss. The rational lower mind will send our energy field off kilter and out of balance again and again, spinning its lies that are just fragmented frequencies of separation illusions.
So we will find that when we are off on our freedom quest, we will have a big challenge maintaining these limited identities that we created and these egoic programs and distortions keep playing in our head and there is no one or no thing to distract us from them.
Welcome to the ascension process. This is the advanced and terminal degree on Earth School.
In our prior polite life of responsibility and roles, if we are honest, we will admit that people kept annoying us, our relationships were not as fulfilling as we’d hoped, we didn’t make as much money as we wanted and we often may have felt trapped in some way. Our needs and hopes and dreams did not seem to come true the way we had envisioned them and there was a feeling of resentment that our life was not what we had dreamed it would be. Maybe we saw others seem to get or arrive at the place we dreamed of going. That is why we left for our adventure of freedom. Some part of us was not really satisfied with this small prescribed routine life.
But whether we are on our chosen journey of freedom or still there in the little routine life, we will not be able to raise ourselves above the fragmented vibrational field of separation without raising our vibration consistently into alignment with our Source, our Higher Selves.
When we align with this part of ourselves that is eternal, perfected and the very essence of love, then all wobbles in the field of distortion are quieted. We call this zero point energy. It is perfectly balanced. We can feel it in our cells, in our bones, in our minds and feelings that we are free, that we are whole, that we are experiencing a body and a life in form, and that this form is not our ultimate being.
We can also feel the connection to and alignment with all other life of form and non-form. We are part of the All That Is. We could not possibly be desperate or sad or grieve. It is absurd to even conceive of it. It wouldn’t even make sense to the consciousness of our HIgher Selves.
But we created this experience of separation because we, as infinite, creative souls and consciousness wanted to try it out. There is apparently no other more coveted game than the game of separation. This is baffling to us when we are here and appear to be ‘suffering’ from our chosen delusion of separation.
When we can communicate with our Higher Selves or the Ascended Masters or Archangels or other beings on the other side of the veil that are not in separation, they tell us again and again, they remind us, “It is not real, it’s just a game, we love you, you love you, you could not possibly be alone if you tried.”
But it feels too real in our bodies, in our blood, in our stomachs that FEEL the anxiety and fear. Our bodies, our emotional machines, give us a very different sense of perception. They are made to give us this visceral input of what form FEELS like. But when in separation, it often doesn’t feel so good.
Our best and highest goal for freedom from so called ‘suffering’ is to return to complete and total surrendered alignment. To be here in form AND to be fully connected to our Higher Self. To unite heaven and earth. This is what the game was meant to be. This is how we envisioned it before we came. We were going to really have fun this time, we told ourselves.
What joy to experience form when we are the master creators of our reality and we are actually in control of our emotions and thoughts and so create in alignment with Source, which can only be joy and experiences of expansion.
The irony is that we truly are Masters that come forward into these lives to create limitations for ourselves as part of demonstrating, for the purpose of expansion, that we have the great strength and wisdom to overcome all of our own self created limitations and cages. What a ride we are on.
Welcome to Earth School.
Are you ready to graduate?
Welcome to Ascension.
Need a little support getting into alignment for your ascension? Try my Emotional Mastery: Moving From Fear to Love Course
Blessings, Elaine Marie